Let’s laugh together
Lala has been drafted and he wishes to go to the navy.
“Can you swim?”, asks the officer.
“Oh”, sighed Lala confusedly. “I thought we had enough ships”.
Sosa is taking her son to Zrenjanin to the doctor’s. Opposite them on the train sits a man with some sort of infirmity, blinking with his left eye uncontrollably every 10 seconds or so. Seeing that, the boy starts blinking with his right eye in imitation of the man. Realizing that he is being mocked, he says:
“Sosa, please tell this little brat of yours to stop imitating me! He’s rude!”
Sosa slaps the child and says: “Mita! Stop playing a monkey at once!”
Sosa falls into tears in the middle of an argument with Lala.
“I wish I was dead”, says Sosa through tears.
“I wish I was dead, too!” - exclaims Lala.
“Then I wish I wasn’t!”- replies Sosa.
Coming back from the market, Sosa sees her neighbour Persa, completely naked, sitting in Lala’s lap.
“Damn you Lala!”, screamed Sosa. “Hasn’t it been this morning that I ironed your pants?!?”
Lala returns from the Novi Sad fair and while still at the door, he takes of his trousers and shouts:
“Sosa, quick, get naked!
Sosa did so and got into bed. Lala covers them both over the heads with a blanket and says:
“Look, I bought a new watch! What do you say, ha? Look at the way the hands glow in the dark!”
Lala was a servant in the house of some German count. One time when he was serving lunch, he tripped on the carpet, broke the bowl and spilt its contents all over the floor.
“Nice. I could have done it that way on my own”, says the count.
“Of course you could, now that I’ve shown you how to do it...”, replied Lala.
Lala comes to the fence and calls Panta, his neigbour:
“Tell me, my dear neighbour, do you smoke?”
“I don’t.”
“Does your son smoke?”
“He doesn’t, either.”
“Does your cow smoke then?”
“Jesus Lala, how can a cow smoke?!”
”Then your barn must be on fire.”
Sosa died and the funeral was appointed for 9 o’clock. Around 9 the neighbours see Lala on his tractor.
“Where are you heading to, Lala?”, they ask.
“To the field.”
“But it’s Sosa’s funeral today!?”
“I always say: first work, then pleasure.”
Lala comes across a beggar in the street.
“Please give me some money, I haven’t eaten anything for 2 days”, says the beggar.
“Oh, but you must! If nothing, make yourself eat!”, says Lala.
Lala goes to a pet shop in order to buy a parrot.
“Mister, I would like to buy a parrot.”
“Well, then, I suggest that you buy Napoleon. He is very smart, speaks 3 foreign languages, is very good at numbers and enjoys chatting.”
“Ok, then, I’ll buy Napoleon. How much is it?”
“400,000 dinars.”
“I’m afraid he is too expensive.”
“Then I recommend Athos. He has wonderful colors, speaks 3 foreign languages, sings, but costs 160,000 dinars.”
“Hmmm...Mister, don’t you have a parrot of approximately 1600 dinars.”
“Well...we have Nabucodonosor.”
“Hey, but he looks splendid. I see he is very good at crosswords, too.”
“Actually, he is very smart. He speaks 5 foreign languages.”
“And why is he so cheap then?”
“To tell you the truth, Lala, he drinks like a fish.”
Lala doesn’t lose heart. He pays the price and takes the parrot to his home. Here, he warns him from the very beginning.
“My dear pal, I have rakija in the kitchen and also in the pantry. If you dare to touch my rakija, I will pull out your feathers one by one.”
The second day, Lala comes back home and finds his place upside down. Empty bottles, rakija spilt on the kitchen floor and so forth. Boiling over with anger, Lala looks for the parrot and finds him surrounded by countless empty bottles. With his beak, Nabucodonosor was pulling out one feather at a time, throwing it on the floor and saying:
“Wh... who... nee... needs... f... feathers?”
Lala was confiding to his neighbor, Panta.
“Panta, my dear neighbor, I don’t know how to explain this to you but I can’t stand trains anymore.”
“How come?”
“Well, my wife Sosa ran away with an engine driver and every time I hear a train, I fear he will bring her back.”
Lala pays a visit to his doctor.
“Doctor, I have a problem. After I drink a bottle of rakija, I see lots of mice jumping before my eyes.”
“Well, Lala, I think you should quit drinking.”
“Doctor, don’t you think it would be better to buy a cat?”
Lala returns home from the battlefield. The family of his neighbor asks him:
“How is Panta? Why hasn’t he come with you?”
“Well...you know...we were in the trenches when the enemy attacked us. So, what do you think that came to Panta’s mind?”
“What?!”
“A bullet that big.”
The policeman interrogates Lala.
“Lala, when you saw that this man was beating his wife, why didn’t you do anything about it?”
“I wanted to, mister, but, from what I saw, he didn’t need any help.”
Lala decides to take his wife to a fancy restaurant. The couple orders soup for the beginning. The waiter brings them the desired dish, but Lala cries out:
“Waiter, my plate is wet!”
“That is your soup, sir!”
Lala goes to a restaurant together with 2 of his best pals.
“Waiter, bring us a bottle of rakija, 3 bottles of wine and one meatball for each of us.”
“Have you lost your mind, Lala?”, cries out one of his pals. “What are we going to do with so much food?”
Sosa decides to enroll her son in a renowned school, for helping him become a refined intellectual.
The teacher gives Mita the following homework: to read and summarize a book. During the established day, pupils begin to show the books they read and make the requested presentations. Of all the pupils, Sosa’s son complains that he cannot narrate anything because his book has too many characters. The teacher asks him to bring the book. Seeing what his pupil has chosen to read, he strikes his forehead with his hand: “Damn it, Mita, it was you who stole my phone book!”
Lala decides to take up extreme sports and jumps from an airplane with a parachute. He presses the red button as he has been told, but the parachute doesn’t open. Therefore, he takes out his textbook and reads: “If the red button doesn’t work, try the green one”.
Lala tries, but no result. He continues to read: “If the green button doesn’t work either, try the yellow one”.
He tries, but still no result. He gets to the next paragraph: “If the yellow button doesn’t work either, turn the page”.
Lala turns the page desperately and reads: “Our Father in heaven / Hallowed be your name...”
One day, Sosa disappears all of a sudden. After 4 days of torment, the phone rings.
“Lala, your wife is our hostage”, the kidnapper says. “We will set her free, if you pay us one billion dinars.”
“I’ll pay you double, if you keep her”, replies Lala, in a transport of delight.
Lala visits Niagara Falls, for the first time in his life.
“Do you have such a great thing in Vojvodina?” asks the guide.
“Well, we don’t have such a great thing, but we surely have a plumber who can fix the broken pipe that causes such a waste of water”, answers Lala, a little bit puzzled.
Lala goes to a supermarket, together with his son. Upon arrival, the shiny door of an elevator mesmerizes them.
“Dad, what’s this?” asks the boy.
“Son, I’ve never seen such tricky machinery in my whole life.”
While they are both staring at the elevator, with their eyes popped out of their sockets, an old lady in a wheel chair presses a button.
The door opens and the granny enters a small chamber. Then, the door closes leaving Lala and his son bewildered at the sight of the flashing lights. The door opens again and a beautiful young woman appears.
Seeing the miracle, Lala tells his son: “Son, quick, go and bring your mother!”
Lala enters the Navy and becomes commander of a ship. While being out at sea, a fire breaks out. In order to calm down the passengers, Lala says:
“Don’t worry at all! There is enough water for everyone.”